Diary: Bridges in a Group 2

Different strokes

Lemon Polenta cake, Scottish shortbreads and Malteser chocolate bunnies: I could get used to hanging out with stroke survivors, says Billy Mann

I’m only half joking. This outbreak of gluttony came at the start of the final session in a PhD study by Ella Clark at UCLH into testing Bridges Self Management for stroke survivors in a group setting. We were all stuffing our faces and grinning madly.

Bridges is a project pioneered by Prof Fiona Jones at St George’s hospital in Tooting, London. The mission is to help stroke survivors build their own step programmes to meet long-term goals set by themselves. These goals vary in the widest sense, but the Bridges approach seeks to find a series of baby steps by which big gains can become part of everyday life. It’s a method that will work for some but not always for others.

Motivation is a key player in progressive recovery and these four-week trials were part of a study to see if fellow group members (6-8) could play a role in the process by offering mutual support. In the three trials I helped facilitate, the goals of the group members varied depending on the individual, any support they might or might not have, and in the ways their stroke had impacted on their lives. In the second group I joined, one member wanted to try to regain some of the problem-solving skills he had lost. He mentioned crossword puzzles and arithmetic in particular. Another member defined as a goal writing and signing a Thankyou card for her daughter and her husband.

It is always fascinating to watch small-group dynamics unfold. You instinctively reach for the reality-TV stereotypes and make snap judgements about personalities, only to be confounded in the next session by behaviour in total opposition to your initial prejudice. Baddies become goodies and that bossy boots turns into a pussycat. The relationships between individual characters are thrown into relief and you sometimes end up siding with the person you thought at first you would dislike the most.

Group members respond in different ways to different types of stimuli. One identified her goal as getting back to cooking and entertaining. The stroke had left her unable to plan, organise and implement a dinner party for friends. Fatigue wiped her out and the mere thought of it built in her mind to become an impossible task.

By just talking about food, the group learned of some of her favourite dishes and the special ways she prepared them. All of this took place in the context of a natural conversation, so when it was proposed that she might cook a cake for the group, a competitive twinkle appeared in her eye. She wanted to show us she could do it. And she did. The lemon polenta cake mentioned in the opening paragraph is the proof. The zing of the lemon was a sensory delight.

But her determination didn’t stop there. She had also completed and fed friends with specialty dishes of lamb and salt beef. She was obviously on a roll. If we were giving out marks, she passed with distinction.

A recurring issue among members in all the groups I was involved with was whether the post-stroke difficulties they now face and experience were related directly to the stroke, or whether they were part of natural ageing. Forgetfulness was the chief example. This was especially the case among some of the older group members.

Balancing time with health needs emerged as a another challenge. Take on too much and it might end up costing you in terms of stress and fatigue. Take on too little and it seems like you are treading water, stuck in a rut, but all the time feeling you should be more dynamic, making more progress, just doing things.

One member talked about withdrawing from what was once his very active participation on neighbourhood committees and working groups. He had taken several steps back and, by rationing his time more selectively, was able to focus on and tackle a specialist academic mentoring role, which had proved far more personally rewarding and much better suited to the skills he had built over many years.

But in stepping back he also stepped forward to wrest control of low-key domestic aspects of his life from his children, who had intervened to ensure his comfort. He was calling the shots now and, bit by bit, nurturing a newfound self-reliance.

Towards the end of the final session, one of the group asked Ella if she had a title for the published study that would emerge from these eight group trials. Not yet was her answer, so cheekily I asked the group what might be the key words that would help Ella come up with a successful title.

Earlier in the session that day I had tried to summarise the essence of the past four weeks. In my notebook, I had written “the power/potential of peer support”. Looking at this now I am horrified by its inadequacy. In collecting the thoughts of the other group members, the word that won the day was “sharing”.

Throughout the final session, many of the group had identified in their own ways the importance of sharing. One member spoke of how rare it was for her to share her stroke experience with people who could readily empathise. She said she no longer “felt so alone”. Another talked about how positivity breeds positivity and that the group sessions had somehow almost magically instigated an outbreak of optimism.

Sharing is one of the enduring themes of the early 21st century, much of it enabled by the world wide web. Touch that SHARE button on your digital device and look at the ever-growing number of platforms across which you can connect with others: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn…


Yet, yet, yet… sharing a traumatic experience with relative strangers is not easily done. The group found that doing it in person, face-to-face, with all the risk any kind of human encounter throws up, was overwhelmingly positive. One group member used the word “transformative” and, when pressed, explained how, as bad as having a stroke is, in some respects it offers an opportunity for renewal, a chance to become a new person. Another talked about life after stroke as an exercise in planting seeds. These, for me, were both fitting remarks to herald the onset of Spring and to end what had for me been a fascinating experience.

See the lemon polenta cake recipe

Diary: Stroke World Café

Take a talk on the wild side

An initiative to put good communication at the heart of stroke treatment got off to a lively start. Billy Mann reports

Tess Baird is an unstoppable force. In November 2016 she gathered together a few colleagues and contacts in a small room in London's Mile End Hospital to explain her bonkers idea. She wanted clinicians and service users to get to understand and communicate with one another in more meaningful and effective ways. The subject in focus was stroke care, which is how I got the call, being a stroke survivor. She reckoned this new groundbreaking bond between patient and practitioner could be found using something called a World Café. I posted a report of that meeting shortly after it took place.

Grand ideas often get lost in what is sometimes called Development Hell, so I turned up to that first meeting, made whatever kind of contribution I could and went home expecting the idea to fizzle out. It didn't. Emails were exchanged and the spark generated at the first meeting was oxygenated into a comfy campfire, around which a whole bunch of people (plus one newborn child, Leo) sat early in the new year to thrash out some ideas for how quality communication might flourish on the stroke ward. This event quickly got its own hashtag, #trustworldcafe.

Seven round tables in the Garden Room at St Luke's Community Centre, London EC1, each hosting five or six people, fired up and the room quickly took on the buzz of the marketplace, the sound of chatter and earnest declarations bouncing off the walls. Hot beverages were taken and posh cake digested. And to think some people were pretending to 'be at work'.

The event swung around four questions. The first asked us to talk in pairs about a time we "totally trusted someone". What was the experience, what did it feel like? I got chatting with someone who told me how they had 'bonded' with their partner over an intense dislike of dating. As described to me this was a proper meeting of minds and outlook that was recognised instantly by both parties. They saw it as an 'opportunity' and both were 'relieved' to have found a sympathetic ear and a glad eye. It was heartwarming stuff.

We then moved the topic from the personal to the professional and asked what made trusting relationships function in the workplace. The answers we arrived at jointly sounded like statements of the bleeding obvious, but put under intense scrutiny started to carry more weight. All the time we were jotting words and phrases on to a paper tablecloth. Lines such as "say what you do and do what you say" and "deliver on promises" put some flesh on to the bones of everyday exchanges that involve trust, and which without trust would collapse. Relying on others is how our lives function.

From working in pairs we moved to working the table, exploring within the group the mechanics of trust and how that might be nurtured. I learned of one stroke survivor's desire to ride a horse again, having grown up around horses in Romania. By now an artist had been earwigging at each table and was busy creating a 'live graphic' of our thoughts. It was worth stopping just to watch as she gave visual birth to all our ideas.

The questions continued. We moved tables, went into huddles, struggled to find answers, but didn't give up. There was still plenty of cake left. At one table I put forward the idea that every 'hard', factual question a patient is asked by a clinician should be offset with a 'soft' question that gently explores the patient's life outside hospital. Cat or dog? was the example I used in a round-the-table demonstration (our table: three dogs, one cat and an awkward "cat and dog"). Questions about football, hobbies, telly, films, etc, can provide the therapist with valuable 'clues' that might open a window of opportunity on how best to advance treatment. There was some concern as to how what is essentially small-talk can be parlayed into 'productivity', the looming presence of a cash-conscious clipboarding nhs manager being the sticking point. I'm not sure my attempt to liken this kind of information-gathering to 'detective work' found any buyers.

So what did I learn at the #trustworldcafe? Too many things to list here, so please check the Twitter feeds for details. But if I had to pick one it would be at the beginning of the session when, by way of a warm-up, Tess gave us a list of questions to ask each other. The last of these was something like, "What is the craziest outcome you can imagine springing from this #trustworldcafe?" To illustrate, Tess told us her answer. It was that news of this event's runaway success reaches a rich publisher, who invites Tess to write a book about it, earning her £4million. Her newfound wealth somehow puts her in contact with George Clooney, who promptly ditches his existing wife and marries Tess. And everyone lives happily ever after. Such is the power of the hashtag.

Diary: My Stroke Journey

Picture this

Art gave Billy Mann a chance to tell the story of his stroke in an unusual and often graphic way

My annual visit to the National Hospital of Neurology and Neurosurgery in Queen Square, London, to deliver some macaroons and Vin Santo to the therapy team for Christmas, got me feeling sentimental. I realised that visiting the Neuro Rehabilitation Unit (NRU) on the second floor has become like returning to your old school. Memories come flooding back. Seeing the patients travelling the same rocky road I did four years ago is a wrench, riddled with pain but saved by an overwhelming sense of hope. So much happened here for me. It is where my life was put back together. It was a rebirth. So, as naff as that sounds, I feel quite attached to the place and to the people who helped me during my two-month stay.

Most of them have moved on, but Anne Fleming, who dealt with social work issues, was still there and full of good spirit and a still unfeasibly straight fringe. I deposited the festive goodies with her, asked her to pass on my best wishes to anyone who might remember me and put in a plug for an exhibition of paintings by survivors of brain injury from Headway East London art studio, Submit To Love.

It wasn't such a shameless plug since I have a series of five paintings included in the exhibition depicting my 'stroke journey', and as already stated, NRU played a key part in that. Each of my paintings includes a hand-written paragraph describing the five 'chapters' of the past four years, from the moment of the stroke to my life as it is today.

The first, 'Surrender' attempts to illustrate the period from the initial trauma to when I went into surgery.

The second picture, 'Oblivion', is all about what happened in surgery.


The third, 'Confusion', examines what happened after surgery when I was in and out of ITU and then on the stroke ward.


The fourth painting in the series, 'Survival', covers the sink-or-swim experience of my stay in NRU, where the chance to start again kicks into action.


And the final picture, 'Release', reflects of my life since discharge from hospital in February 2013 and the shape it has taken since then.

I could bang on endlessly about these pictures and their meaning, but the blunt truth is that, once they were finished, I was glad to see the back of them. I was bored with myself, and right now I don't care if I never see them again. Sometimes the right thing to do is to simply let go of what was and what happened. Strange, though, I can't imagine losing the tiny bit of love I feel whenever I visit the National Hospital in Queen Square, and long may the macaroons continue to be delivered.

The exhibition of paintings by members of Headway East London is at Stratford Circus Arts Centre, London, until 23 February 2017.

Diary: A Better Conversation

Stroke World Café

The first patient-clinician interview is the chance to start a beautiful partnership, says Billy Mann

Health professionals fret far more than you might ever imagine about how they interact with patients. Many even struggle with the word patient. Other terms for the person being treated are ‘client’ and ‘service user’. They temptation to reach for the word ‘customer’ is never far away.

Hold that thought while I tell you about a group I attended recently to work through the foundations of what will hopefully turn into a World Café around the subject of stroke. Briefly, the idea is to build the notion of a ‘conversation’ into the clinician/patient meeting point. Those present at the meeting, brought together by Tess Baird from Barts Health, all came from the health professions or from academia. Plus me, with my A-level in Geology and a diploma in stroke survival.

So it goes without saying that my input was purely anecdotal. I told them all how, during stroke rehab, I stupidly urged an OT to coach me in getting in and out of the bath, only then to get stuck in the bath, robbed, as the stroke had left me, of the upper-body strength to lift myself into a bath-exiting position. I told other hilarious stroke stories, too, and watched as they all glazed over, but my one serious point concerned what I called the ‘partnership’ a patient needs to form with the health professionals charged with their care.

I decided early in the exploration of my post-stroke world to ‘get people onside’. OK, confession, my wife told me to do it, in fairly blunt and unambiguous terms. But it worked, or at least it did for me. I talked in a friendly way to all professionals. I listened to their gripes. I learned that my physio was studying for a masters degree. I gossiped for Britain and passed on advice for vegetarians travelling in Italy. All of this seemed to bind our common purpose in a more meaningful and, yes, fun way. My wife now refers to me as a 'people person'.

I continued this crazy experiment once I had been discharged from hospital. First on the list for my newfound charm offensive was my GP. I learned about his family, about his specialist areas of medicine and tried to get him to bitch about bureaucracy and the tedium of top-down meddling in the nhs. He didn't crack, maintaining a steely resolve throughout. No confidential or compromising disclosures took place, but the very act of talking made, and continues to make, a difference to how we ‘work together’.

Others in the group made serious points, too. Physiotherapist Volkmar Müller talked about the everyday realities of the physio’s job and how ‘had nice a chat with X’ would not be considered by his line manager as a suitable entry on that day's list of ‘work completed’. Stefan Cantore, a seasoned egghead in organisational behaviour at Southampton University, fleshed out the World Café philosophy and its potential. He also helpfully (for me) clarified the difference between conversation and dialogue.

The small room in Mile End hospital fizzed with the desire to find practical routes towards better communication, but one theme emerged persistently: TRUST. Build trust. Professionals to trust patients; patients to trust professionals. It’s a two-way thing and demands active participation and a big old willingness to give it a go. And this is where we come back to THE CONVERSATION.

Just for a laugh, I decided to do a quick search of synonyms for the word ‘conversation’. Top prizes go to: tête-à-tête, heart-to-heart, breaking bread, head-to-head, shoot the breeze, natter, confab, chit-chat, rabbit. In my head it's already starting to sound like two lines in a rap song, but whatever you want to call it, just get on with doing it, and at some point in the future maybe we will be able to state with confidence that to Talk The Talk and to Walk The Walk are exactly the same thing.

Headway: Olympic swimming

You might have sat comfortably during the 2012 Olympics and gazed at the pictures on your telly of the Zaha Hadid-designed London Aquatics Centre and wondered whether it was as impressive in real life as it was as seen through the lens of a TV camera. Let me answer that question. Yes. Yes. Yes.

And it’s not just a stunner on the outside. Despite the modifications that took place before its 2014 opening to the public, the huge interior is a dream just to walk around, even before your nose catches a whiff of chlorine. The views of the 50m tournament race pool and 25m diving pool recall instantly memories of the moments that took your breath away during those glory days in the summer of 2012 (was this when Michael Phelps officially became ‘the greatest swimmer that ever lived?). The overall effect is somehow magic, and even the signs to the changing rooms start to look full of grace, visual harmony and touched by the hand of triumph.

Now, here we were, a willing contingent from Headway East London, itching to see if getting wet could do anything for brain injury.

My own post-injury experience in the shallow end is meaningful - to me at least. Shortly after discharge from hospital following a hemorrhagic stroke, I was assigned to a therapy team from London's Homerton hospital. A physio and OT visited me at home and devised various exercises and routines that might aid my recovery. On one such visit we went for a swim in my local pool. The OT was at first concerned how I would manage getting in and out of the pool. Her worry was short-lived as I pre-empted any practical what-have-you by simply throwing myself in.

Hitting the water and being bathed instantly in its warm, forgiving embrace was a moment of sensuality words cannot do justice to. Four months of deprivation in a hospital bed might well be the psychologist's explanation, but ‘bliss’ is as close as I can get to describe the sublime feeling.

I'd like to say that in that single moment swimming became an essential post-stroke exercise for me. That would be a lie. But what I did find on our group visit to the Aquatics Centre, in between some infantile splashing of my fellow Headway members, was a new way to use a swimming pool. Some of the yoga and tai-chi routines that Headway Therapy Team offers regularly to its members are given a whole new dimension when tried in a pool. The soft resistance of the water slows the movements and provides weight support for those with balance problems. Falling over in a swimming pool is no biggie. It's fun, actually.

So, expect to see me in swimming pools more often from now on. The legacy of London 2012 is alive and kicking, despite all those doomy predictions. It was shortly after attending events at the Games that the stroke hit, leaving me for dead. I can’t be sure, but I like think that the courage, determination and sheer strength of will I saw in the athletes helped things turn out differently for me, so if anyone ever tells you those Games were a waste of money, tie a brick to their foot and throw them in the deep end.

Diary: Bridges Symposium

Symposium isn’t a word that trips off the tongue. It sounds impossibly proper, serious and really quite grand. When asked by Bridges Self Management to help out at their 7th Annual Symposium at St George's hospital in London I felt out of my depth just reading the email. In an attempt to at least look like I was somehow in the loop, I looked up ‘symposium’ in the dictionary. It is a compound word that dates back to ancient Greece and translates roughly as a ‘drinking party’. A symposium was a bunch of mates getting together for the sole purpose of getting drunk and talking endlessly. That’s more like it. What could possibly go wrong?

What went wrong is that I forgot to mention several key points. Drink had nothing to do with it, and neither was the panic that struck when I arrived in the designated conference room in St George’s at the sight of three, yes THREE screens from which our presentation was to be projected. The main purpose of my involvement was to supply a repeat performance from a 2015 conference in which physiotherapist and Bridges trainer Katie Campion interviews me about how I coped after discharge from hospital following a heamorrhagic stroke. We talk about goal setting and I seize the opportunity to make plentiful reference to football and the team I support, Liverpool.

In outward appearance, our presentation resembles the work of a second-rate comedy duo. We feed each other lines, but they are not always the right ones. I’m always aware of undermining Katie’s proper professional status with my bad jokes, and sometimes the result is confusion. So, in the part where we talk about my understanding of the word 'goal’, I had intended to shoot a line about the importance in football of coaches and captains. I missed the shot. And in the part where I answered questions about devising small steps to big goals, I should have mentioned the importance of visualisation. Again, I fluffed it and the chance went begging.

It wasn't all bad, though. Katie did manage to grab victory from the jaws of defeat while we were on the topic of my early goals when still in hospital. In this section I typically talk about the desire to complete bathroom activities independently. I then move on to describing my attempts at the 'transfer’. This will be familiar to stroke nurses worldwide and involves getting a patient to move themselves safely from wheelchair to bed, and vice versa. At the time I was desperate to master this manoeuvre because being able to snoop around and then return to bed for a snooze was, for me, the very essence of being alive.

Maybe I was a bit too desperate because my early attempts involved hurling myself from a sitting position on the bed in the general direction of the wheelchair seat. The reverse process was not much prettier and, as I outlined this technique to the rapt symposium audience, Katie quite sensibly interjected, “Wasn’t all that hurling a bit risky?” This remark opened a can of worms on the subject of risk, and to what extent patients should be entitled, encouraged even, to explore the everyday fringes of jeopardy. It is a big, important subject, and relevant not only for stroke patients but for anyone living with a long-term condition. Is not the freedom to make mistakes a universal human entitlement? Discuss. Needless to say, we barely scratched the surfaces of it, but I am glad the subject of risk had put in an appearance as Katie and I tumbled our way innocently towards some kind of conclusion to our presentation.

So, as I sat down afterwards, the word PHEW shot to mind. I had barely paid any attention to the symposium’s previous speakers. All I can remember is that two experts from Lewisham CCG, Damian and Angelika, proposed what seemed to me a perfectly valid practical distinction between self-care and self-management, illustrated using a projected Venn-style diagram that looked like a hard-boiled egg. I was pleased to note that the yolk was not centred but irritatingly offset, just like mine are when I make boiled eggs. Another pair, Heide and Tino, ran a video of a lovely chatty couple who were calling for a bit more joined-up thinking from practitioners and clinicians in regard to service users.

Lisa Kidd, a leading goal-scorer for nursing and Scotland, followed our presentation, and made some telling points about how things actually happen on the ward. I am often guilty of gushing praise at the doctors, nurses and therapists who have all contributed to my stroke recovery, to which they most commonly reply, “Thank you, but I was just doing my job”. My response is always the same: “I know, but you choose the way you do your job, so please accept my thanks for that.” I was extremely grateful in this respect to be able to forge good communication with all those involved in my progress after stroke. It is an experience and a lesson I hope I will never forget.

Diary: Bridges in a Group

On four successive Mondays in April I helped on a research project into whether the step process method in stroke rehabilitation as advocated by Bridges Self-Management can be made to work in a group setting. The more interesting details of the study, by UCL's Ella Clark, will I’m sure appear in more scholarly quarters, but what I can report is that about half way through the trial, which brought together seven stroke survivors, Lucinda Brimicombe, Bridges Director of Training and Innovation, raised the question as to what was uniquely "Bridges" about this project? How was it different from other stroke rehab groups? In what ways and to what extent were Bridges methods working successfully? It was at this point that images of bridges started to pop into my head.

Runcorn Bridge

I have come to know several bridges, starting with my earliest memories as a child in the back seat of a car crossing the Runcorn Bridge over the River Mersey. It seemed so big with its hard iron frame studded with rivets the size of your fist. It was scary. And more recently I enjoyed the Scandinavian TV crime series The Bridge, which features the Øresund Bridge that connects Sweden and Denmark. It is 16km long, and it is scary. The drama begins with the discovery of a body exactly half way along the bridge. Is this in Sweden or Denmark? Which police force will investigate the crime? The Swedes? The Danes? The story is later complicated when the body is found to have been cut into two equal parts. Scary.

Øresund Bridge

Travelling the Øresund Bridge via Google Earth is an eye-opener. It seems to go on forever, and you can easily get lost in thought along the way. You begin to run your imagination over the symbolism of the bridge as a connector, how a structure can unite two very separate things, what kind of loads will that structure carry, what is the importance of traffic volume, foundations, etc, etc, blah, blah?

Back on dry land and stroke self-management, in Bridges World, small steps to big things is the mantra. I call them 'baby steps'. What I have found from experience is that in setting yourself small goals (for me that means easily achievable) and then exploring ways to hit your tiny targets, you reflect on and modify along the way. For example, what a year ago for me was the stated desire to complete a walk of the famous Seven Sisters along the white cliffs of the Sussex coast from Eastbourne to Cuckmere Haven, has mutated into a daily patrol of my neighbourhood on foot, stopping to chat with the locals, telling children to stop being naughty and checking the ever changing world of an inner-city wildlife garden. The dream of walking the Seven Sisters has not disappeared, but it is much less urgent than it was a year ago (I have even done the walk, on a treadmill with Google Earth on my iPad). In this way, by embracing the small steps as an end in themselves, I learn more about myself and can therefore make better decisions about those big juicy goals.

The approach is even appropriate to activities not remotely related to stroke rehab. Not long ago I used a piecemeal step method to 'build' from visual components a picture of Hammersmith Bridge for my wife's godmother. And she thought I sat around in the cold with a box of paints for several days. Not likely! It's a fake.

Hammersmith Bridge

So how might these 'baby steps' work in a group situation? That is still a work in progress, but I do have one observation from the UCL meetings. I have noticed that motivation is where rehabilitation often stands or falls. I am a very focused and determined person. Most people are not, and I have seen progress in others falter simply because the will to action is simply not there. And in the group work we did at UCL, what surprised me most was the drive shown by some of the group members to help others. They had found a role, a mission, a sense of purpose. They found their motivation, their post-stoke mojo, a reason for doing something. It is as simple as the slogan 'Help others to help yourself'.

It doesn't take a mammoth leap of the imagination to see that this is potentially very powerful. How systems and structures (the bridge?) can be built to support such a self-sustaining programme of mutual enablement is the question. Making it work is the challenge.

Headway: Yoga

If I turn into a Yoga Bore, feel free to shoot me, says Billy Mann. In the meantime ...

To the innocent bystander, the transition from tai chi to yoga must seem like swapping a boiled egg for a poached one. Yes, the two disciplines do have similarities, not least in this case because again we are in the capable hands of Anne and Nora at Headway East London. The key differences between the two (tai chi and yoga, not Anne and Nora) are movement and breathing. Breathing is much more of a BIG DEAL in yoga, and the movement is more structured than in tai chi, aimed often at specific parts of the body. Moreover, whereas you can adapt tai chi exercises into something you can do easily at, say, the bus stop, or in the kitchen while waiting for the kettle to boil, yoga demands more focus, a focus that leads you to "feel" the movements and stretches.

We started the programme seated, which is a gentle way to introduce the movements. The Cat-Cow is a movement that stretches the back and neck by first rounding the shoulders forward then reversing the movement back while tilting the pelvis, arching the back, extending the chin and chest into what is hopefully a sort of elegant s-shape. Not sure I quite hit the mark on that one. The word elegant did not spring to mind. We went on to do some moves where we sit, hands together, elbows pointing right and left, in a sort of praying pose. Then we breathe in, extend our praying hands skyward as if reaching for heaven, then hold, breathe out, breathe in, extend hands towards the outer reaches of the universe, and hold, breathe out, breathe in, and slowly move your arms back to planet earth in a forward stretch that again arches the back, sticking out your chin and staring meaningfully at that spot on the wall. You then bring your arms first down to the side of your chair, then gather up your hands into your lap in what is supposed to look like a dignified, enigmatic yoga-type pose. I was convinced that I looked the part, but that could have been delusion kicking in.

If this is as far as I ever get in yoga, I shall be quite happy. The Cat-Cow thing could, in my view, be done easily while sat on the toilet. Who knows, we could have discovered a revolutionary aid to comfortable defecation? Send me the cheque. Anyway, I have already been able to build it into my daily routine to the extent that I can sit, stock still, in a straight, aligned and yogistically perfect way (or so I imagine) watching Midsomer Murders and not feel like a dickhead. It helps having a wife who is a Yoga Bore.

So, well done Yoga. Well done Anne for making it so easy for someone who probably would have previously shot anyone who dared to suggest my life might be improved by this Total Hippy Nonsense. I was wrong, you were all right, and I surrender. Defeat, bring it on xx

Headway: Tai Chi 2

Nora began the second Tai-Chi class at Headway East London by saying that this week there would be less talking and more action. I'm not sure ACTION was the best word for the level of tai-chi we are at, but you can see where she's coming from.

We revisited the moves we had been introduced to in the first session, but Nora added some seemingly small additions. This, I have come to realise, is very much the tai-chi way, to build very slowly but deliberately. The ball thing is still an enigma wrapped in a mystery for me, but by 'shrinking the size of the ball' to something like the proportions of a tennis ball, I think I might have found a way forward. I even found myself cautiously handling an imaginary sphere during the ad break in Midsomer Murders. Thank goodness I was safely hidden indoors because I must have looked like a right weirdo.

The weight-shifting from one foot to the other in the standing position also progressed to include lifting the heel of the resting foot. This tests the strength and balance in both legs and increases your awareness of any limitations. Nora described this action as floating, but for me it was more of a spring in the step.













These additions to what we had already learned further established the idea that practising ta-chi is for life and not just for the duration of a short programme. For me it has multiple advantages. Unless I can make exercise a routine and a habit, it is something that becomes all to easy to neglect. In this sense, tai chi is a good fit because already I actually ENJOY doing the moves. This might have something to do with their simplicity, but who cares? Simple is OK by me. And if I enjoy doing something (writing and drawing, too), I am more likely to continue. As that man says in the film Casablanca, this could be the start of a beautiful friendship.

Headway: 300 Club Results

Once more, with feeling

A project to test the theory that 300 repetitions results in improved performance has come to an end. And the results are in. By Billy Mann

The Occupational Therapy project at Headway East London I posted about a while back has now finished. To recap, Club 300 as we cheekily called it, brought together four members of Headway East London, each of whom wanted to gain some improvement in the execution of an everyday task. Two members wanted to improve their handwriting, another wanted to cut up food on a plate more confidently, and I tasked myself with the mission impossible of walking without a stick while holding a cup of water in my weaker left hand.

If you want detailed information on the results of this exercise, the OT in charge was Natasha Lockyer. I cannot discuss how others performed, but to finish the analysis, the tests we performed at the start were repeated at the end and the change recorded. At the start, I had walked a given distance (not sure what it was) holding a cup in my left hand filled to near the top with water in 46 seconds, and I spilled around 10ml in the process. At the end, I walked the same distance in 18 seconds and spilled no water. Get me, eh? Top of the world, Ma.

In my daily executions of these 300 steps, I determined to make the task more difficult as my performance improved. This, I am afraid to say, has fallen by the wayside in favour of basking in the success of spilling no water. Still, I do continue to perform the routine every day (or thereabouts) and continue to notice a difference. I shall report on my progress as and when something of interest happens, and I will ask Natasha if a re-run of the test in, say, 6 months is possible. Only then will I be able to declare Club 300 a giant leap for mankind.

Headway: 300 Club opens

Repeat when necessary

Learning to carry a cup in my left hand, while walking. It's not as easy as you think, says Billy Mann

This is the third week of an Upper Limb OT project I am following devised by Natasha Lockyer at Headway East London. The idea is based on research that has indicated that 300 is a magic number of repetitions post brain injury to deliver meaningful brain change. So, if you perform a given routine activity at 300 repetitions daily, in this case for 6 weeks, lasting improvement in the execution of that task will result.

This sounded plausible to me, so I said I would give it a crack. We have called the group Club 300 for a bit of a laugh. One member of the group is practising cutting food (ie, Theraputty) to develop the fine motoring of her right hand. Two others are working on handwriting. My task is to walk 300 steps daily with no walking stick and a cup of water in my left hand. 

This is a sort of continuation of therapy I was introduced to at a 3-week intensive Upper Limb clinic I attended at London’s National Hospital for Neurology and Neurosurgery earlier this year. I think it is probably a statement of the obvious that this regime got off to a stuttering start. Having made some initial measurements as a benchmark against which progress can later be recorded, I set about repeatedly walking back and forth with a cup of water in my left hand. 

The movements, as Headway East London staffer Anne noted, were comically robotic. I managed to tip water all over myself on several occasions and came away from the session with a very wet pair of quite expensive shoes. Slowly, however, and with Anne’s help, I started to improve. The main problem for me was one of focus. My concentration flitted from the cup of water to the uneven paving in front of me. With practice, and via a not entirely unexpected echo of the ‘cognitive distraction’ I have described before, I found the best results (ie, not much water spilled) by fixing my attention on a distant object (in this case, a wall) and humming a tune while walking.

As they say in court reports, the case continues. Watch this space.

Diary: Speech after stroke

Speakeasy

'Finding words' after brain injury. The process of discovery can be both bewildering and endlessly challenging, says Billy Mann

I read a report recently with the headline Comedians’ ‘gift of the gab’ linked to differences in brain activity and it occurred to me that as I have recovered from the effects of a stroke more than two years ago I have become more articulate. I have no idea whether the two are causally related. In fact, I have no idea whether I have actually become more articulate (my wife is doubtful), and I am not sure how this could ever be measured. All I know is that the words seem to flow more easily, if that is a definition of articulacy. I cannot be certain how easily they flowed before my brain injury, but I do recall incidents in which I felt “tongue-tied” or “lost for words”. Now, instead I sometimes feel verbally incontinent. The experience of not finding the right word at the right time is not unusual. Who has not emerged from a stalled conversation and not reflected later that “I wish I had said that…” Not now. Not for me, anyway. In fact, I suspect sometimes that my brain injury has left me with a special variant type of Tourette’s in which I can’t stop saying what I think. 

Diary: Motor Learning

Show me the money

Can cold hard cash deliver improved upper-limb performance? Billy Mann didn't wait around to find out. He was too eager to bank the profits

I recently took part in a research project at the National Hospital for Neurology and Neurosurgery in Queen Square, London, which aimed to test and record motor learning skills. The test used a specially constructed mechanical arm, which is operated by the test subject to different specifications and under different constraints.

Very simply, my stroke-affected left arm is placed in a moving mechanical arm beneath table-top screen, at the centre of which is located a cursor. At given intervals a luminated square appears randomly on the table-top screen into which I tried to move the cursor as quickly as possible. This is measured by the researcher as data and analysed in some way. To mix it up a bit, a spring resistance is added to the mechanical arm to alter the difficulty of the task. So, if the target square appears randomly in the 10 o'clock position, my attempt to move the cursor to that target is thwarted, as if somebody is pushing my arm in the opposite direction.

To mix it up further, in one test, each successful meeting of cursor and target is rewarded with a point. And each point is rewarded with a monetary value that I struggled to determine. I scored enough points to pocket £31.60.

Diary: Motivation

Where there's a will

Motivation – where does it come from? By Billy Mann

I occasionally ask myself to what extent the small and slow improvements I make in my post-stroke rehabilitation can be attributed to the fantastic work of the therapists I have been lucky enough to work with, and to what degree are they attributable to my own determination and focus along with my personality. The short answer is probably both, in roughly equal measure. The long answer is that I am the hero really, the star striker, and all the health professionals, family, friends, colleagues and people who have input into my life in a positive way since my stroke are the rest of a very successful team.